Sunday, December 30, 2012


I have shared the middle image above, in this earlier post.  Ever since Marcus passed I knew I wanted a tattoo in remembrance of him.  

I had a design in mind.  We even had Jenny (she is the Jenny in the note that Alex wrote above) redesign an angel with Marcus' face.  The angel tattoo will will be for the future, but I knew once I was ready for a tattoo, Alex's chalk on paper sketch was it.  

When I posted this same pic on FaceBook - the original picture-taker had this to say. "I took that at my parent's house... Summer of 2005.  We had a spontaneous dance party and I snapped a picture of him.  Really happy memories."  Thank you so much Ms. Chloe!

So from an innocent enough picture.  To an inspired sketch by our youngest.  To my arm.  Forever.

Tuesday, December 25, 2012

Whole Bean Coffee

Another Holiday Season is upon us.  For my family another season of torment, melancholy and mind numbing sadness.  I walk around like a soulless zombie during these days.  My family and I try to be part of festivities but we mostly fail.  My extended family is great.  So welcoming and very understanding.  Well most are.  My friends are the same.  

It is cliche' and we have all heard it a million times.  The Holidays are the worst season for the blues.  The weather is wet and cold.  It just adds to the prevailing mood.  Seeing families celebrating  it what seems like endless laughter is a joy to watch.  I just wish we can have the same.  When I greet people and wish them a Merry Christmas and next week a Happy New Year, I mean it from the bottom of my heart.  I do hope they all remain merry and happy.

The picture above is the last Christmas gift Marcus gave me.  This is such a typical Marcus gift.  Over thought and a little off, but very sincere.  He knew I like coffee.  He knows I frequent Starbucks.  He wanted  to give me something unique so the special limited blend.  So far so good.  Here is where it goes "off" a little.  The coffee is whole bean and when he gave me this I did not have a coffee grinder.  When I told him this, he looked at me, as if to say, "So what's the difference?"  I had to explain to him that in order for me to brew this coffee I will have to grind it.  Oh!  Light bulb goes on - stares at package - and it clicks!  Whole Bean Coffee!  He assumed it meant WHOLE FLAVOR.  Don't ask.  I didn't.

Less than two months later Marcus was gone.  And yet here is my whole bean coffee still unopened - almost two months from the four year anniversary of Marcus' death.  

Fucking time flies even if you're not having fun.

By the way, we did buy a coffee grinder last year.  So now we have a package of unopened coffee and an unused coffee grinder still in the original box.

I just cannot rip open this golden foil packaging preserving the coffee.  Because if I do, the coffee will be gone - just like my son.

Merry Christmas everyone.  Cherish your family.  Hug your kids extra tight - tell them you love them a little sweeter next time you speak to them.  Treasure your time with your loved ones.