Here Comes the Cold Weather

39* F was the low today.

The Tabor College BlueJays are playing in the NAIA playoffs.

Thanksgiving is mere days away.

It has been SEVEN years since Marcus has gone Home - yet my body still acts like he is coming home for the Holidays.

My brain knows that is not possible.  Nope!  Not a fucking chance.

My heart on the other hand.

What else is there to say?

The days are shorter.  It was dark around 6pm today.

When the fuck does this darkness leave.

My depression and I are BFFs - it only bothers me when I breathe.

I love you Marcus.  Look over your Bro and Mommy every chance you get.

How heavy is a full grown elephant?

I don't have a fucking idea!

I just wish it would find a better sitting place - coz my chest is fucking worn.

The fucking summer is here again...

Everyday is still tough!  What is it now - SEVEN years THREE months and SIXTEEN days.

I know I will never be truly happy.  I try my best at acting like I am fine.  Physically I have never been better in years.  No diabetes.  No high blood pressure.  Depression is another matter.  Thoughts run amok in my head.  Thoughts of running away, of changing everything to even suicide.  No desire to go on vacation.  No desire for anything other than to make a better life for Alex and Trish.

I am bewildered at the fact that I am actually updating this blog.