A Facebook post by one of Marcus' Tabor Friends

Marcus, 3 years ago you reminded us of how we can unexpectedly go "home" and leave many people behind feeling "homesick".

I'm glad that you encountered Jesus Christ on this earth, but now, you are face to face with Him.

May we sing these... words out these next few days, that "In Christ, there are no goodbyes. In Christ, there is no end. So I'll hold on to Jesus with all that I have, to see you again . . . to see you again."

Praying lots for you Roland, Patricia, and Alex. On this day, I am reminded of a laugh and a life that has pointed me to live everyday intentionally for Jesus. Love you all SO much!

The young woman that posted the above on each of our Facebook pages is Joanna Chapa.  A source of positivity and strength for our family since the accident.  The first time I recall meeting Joanna was when she helped us pack up Marcus' dorm room.  That day we met young persons like Joanna.  Grounded in God and Faith.  The funny thing is that we may not have known who she is if not for the accident.  Strange how things work out and I am absolutely clueless how and why things happen.  What I do know is that my family loves Joanna and we are fortunate to have her in our life now.

This is Marcus - from Modern Mom in Heels

Most of my posts usually talk about my grief, my wife's grief or our youngest's grief.

I sometimes fail in including other members of our family.

Other persons greatly affected by the passing of Marcus are my younger sister Marjorie and my younger brother Christopher.

Christopher lost his boyhood pal.  Marjorie lost a nephew and her Godson.

I am taking this moment to acknowledge my sister's grief on this post. 

I love my sister very much.  I still cannot believe that she is a Mom herself now and a great one at that.

She has been very supportive all through this ordeal.  The kind of support that is not intrusive or comes with strings.  She will just listen.  Sometimes thats all we need.

Here is a blog post she shared last week about Marcus. 

Please click on the link below.

THIS IS MARCUS

Marjorie and Marcus might be Christmas 1993.

Me, my Lil' Bro Christopher and my sister at her engagement party

Christopher, Alex and Marcus in front of the house of my Mother-in-law circa 1994.

Marcus with my nephew Tristan, my sister's oldest kid on the day he was born.

At Tristan's Baptism.

 

The Day that Changed Us

February 22, 2009

Before that day this February 22nd has always been Patricia's birthday.  President's day.  George Washington's birthday.

At around 6:15 PM of that day, this all changed.  Sure it is still all of those.  But it seized to be anything but the day this happened.

From that minute on, a heavy weight was set on my heart that will never leave.  At the same time a void so huge was created that created an emptiness that will never be filled.  Everything that I was ended, anything that I will be was sealed.  No matter what lows or highs I attain, there will always be a longing.  

That day guaranteed this never happens again...

this...

or this...

and most off all this.

Dodge ball in McPherson KS

I think this was during Marcus' freshman or sophomore year at Tabor.  Marcus and some of his friends entered a dodge ball contest.  It was fun watching this for the first time.  I try to film all of the activities our boys do.  Most of the time we never watch them again until much later.  Seeing these moments on video almost feel like seeing something new about Marcus. 

I think one of the most saddest thing about losing a loved one is the fact that you will never see anything new about them again. 

I believe that is why supposed mediums or channellers are so popular.  People like me get so desperate for a connection or a "conversation" to their loved one, that they can be easily victimized by con-men or charlatans.  

The Tabor boys won over the crowd.  They did so by not crushing their obviously out-matched opponents.  There was a squad of girls that were maybe high school or maybe even junior high aged, called The Pink Ladies.  The Tabor boys beat them by catching the balls thrown at them instead of trying to hit the girls.  They would even roll the balls back at the girls.  It was hilarious.  Of course the Tabor boys would feint throwing the balls and the girls will shriek in fright.  That match had the gym laughing out loud.  These were the same girls cheering the loudest as Tabor played Sterling college for the championship of the event.  Even though Tabor lost, everyone still had a blast.  *Quick side note - Tabor beat Sterling on the football field that year.*

Another thing to not is that the Tabor boys wore their "Band of Brothers" shirts.  That was a theme these boys really adhere to even now.

Here are those moments in four parts. 

Part One

Part Two

Part Three

Part four - take note at around 10:25ish minutes when Marcus is the last man standing against Sterling College and the gymnasium started cheering him on screaming "Marcus, Marcus, Marcus!"

FEBRUARY

I hate the month of February!

I hate the month of February!

I hate the month of February!

I hate the month of February!

I hate the month of February!

I hate the month of February!

I hate the month of February!

I hate the month of February!

I do not care if it is Black History Month!

It is unfortunate that my wife was born in February.

I do not care for Valentine's Day!

I do not care for President's Day!

I hate the month of February.

I used to love the month.

Shortest month, leap-year month, tax refund month, blah, blah, blah.

I use to celebrate all of these days.

But no more.

February of 2009 is the shittiest month of all time.

February of 2010 was shitty.

February of 2011 was shitty.

February of 2012 is no fucking better.

Unless I am in coma in any future Februaries, I am certain they will not get better.

How do you answer a simple question?

If you were me, how would you answer this question?

How many kids do you have?

I always answer two.  Two boys. 

Usually the small talk dies off or changes subject.  But this instance while at the bank, the other person actually cared about my answers.  Instead of the other person just moving on, she pressed on.  How old are they?  "Twenty-six and eighteen," I reply.  She notices my Plano Wildcats shirt on and says, "I graduated from Plano.  Did they graduate from Plano?"  No I say, our youngest is a current Senior and our oldest went to Dallas Academy a private school.  She continues, "Is your oldest in school?"  "No, he graduated in 2009,"  I said. 

This went on until we got interrupted by the teller.

I just kept on talking as if both boys are still alive.  Detail after detail.  Where Marcus went to school.  What his major was.  If he played sports.  What made things worse was that the woman knows about Tabor College.  She has lived in Salina, KS and was very familiar with Tabor.  It was like a surreal bull ride that has gone way past eight seconds.  What if she ask if he is back in town?  What if she asks what he does now.  Luckily we never got to that. 

I do not handle this question right. 

Perhaps, people do not handle the answer correctly. 

If I say our oldest has passed, as I have sometimes, people start stammering and seemed to be put on the spot.  As if they have to show how sincerely caring they are for my loss.  Some just literally just want to hug or embrace you for the lack of words.  Some will try to empathize by saying, "Oh,  I have a friend that lost their kid, too."  Or some just totally ignore the statement as if not hearing my answer.

I know how Trish answers this question.  Her answer makes me smile.  Her answer makes me sad.  If it stays in the small talk, she answers as if both boys are still alive.  ALWAYS.  No blink - No hesitation - No look-aways.  But that is her.  It may be discussion for another post, but she will speak of Marcus in the present tense a lot.  A couple of our friends have approached me concerned that she may be in denial.  No she is not.  I think it takes a lot of fortitude to do what she does.  Like I said that is for another post. 

So how would you answer this question?

Our two boys at twenty-two and fourteen, for some reason wearing matching shirts, while I look-on in the background.  I think the shirts were Christmas gifts that year.

Videos from February 11, 2009

Three years and a day ago...

Marcus and his roommate Mario and the rest of their townhouse mates goofing around with a camera and an airsoft gun.

This was our son - so full of life, so full of joy.

We love you and we miss you Marcus.